


Sixty for Sixty: 60-word ACD Sherlock Holmes Stories (2016)

by gardnerhill



Series: Sixty for Sixty: 60-word ACD Sherlock Holmes Stories [2]
Category: Sherlock Holmes & Related Fandoms, Sherlock Holmes - Arthur Conan Doyle
Genre: Community: sherlock60, Gen, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-03
Updated: 2017-11-27
Packaged: 2018-05-30 19:58:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 70
Words: 4,194
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6438169
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gardnerhill/pseuds/gardnerhill
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>My 60-word stories for each story in the ACD Canon for the LJ Comm Sherlock60, for the 5th round beginning in April 2016.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. A Study in Scarlet, Part 1: In Principio

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A query, an offhanded invitation. And the world is changed.

_What an extraordinary man. Bizarre theories; so sure of himself, yet everything is proved by the truth. I want to learn more._

**_He’s curious about everything. He is drawn to the bizarre and unusual. This is no ordinary soldier nor doctor. What an ally he would make._ **

"You wish me to come?"

"Yes, if you have nothing better to do."


	2. A Study in Scarlet, Part 2: The Space Between

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Some judicious editing can save more than the reader’s interest.

“Half of your offering is taken up with that Mormon tale!” Holmes tossed the Beeton’s to the night-stand. “A few sentences would have sufficed to inform the reader of Hope’s motive.”

 

“People like romantic stories.”

 

Holmes nestled back into my unclothed embrace. “Watson, I would advise you to leave out irrelevant romantic asides in your future chronicles.”

 

“As you wish.”


	3. The Cardboard Box: Anatomy of a Joke

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Judging by one of my former-nurse mother’s stories, medical students haven’t changed at all.

“I can understand Miss Cushing’s original belief that it was a disgusting prank, Holmes. Medical students do tend to become calloused about dealing with human body parts.”

Holmes looked at me and cocked one eyebrow.

I smiled, in an ungentlemanly manner. “Some night I may tell you about the mystery of the pensioner’s corpse, the Anatomy professor, and the absinthe.”


	4. The Beryl Coronet: Mending

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It’s not just the jewelry that needs repair in that household.

“You protected Mary.” I stared into my teacup. “Your character is stronger than I’d believed.”

 

My son perused his own cup as if reading his fortune. “I exposed Mary to George.”

 

“Such villains are very good at charming people. We were all fooled.”

 

Arthur nodded. “We must take her back, Father. When… when she returns.”

 

No matter her condition. “Yes.”


	5. Silver Blaze: Home to Roost

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “The trainer, John Straker, is a retired jockey…before he became too heavy for the weighing-chair.”

We had our orders – all four of us in the stables. _Wait._ Wait till one of us was alone with him.

 

He was our stable-boss now. But in the days when he rode we called him The Whip.

 

That blow I struck was for every flank he’d cut to bleeding ribbons, every bit he’d yanked. We were avenged at last.


	6. The Speckled Band: Hidden Depths

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Do not anger a houseproud woman.

“Mr. _Holmes_!”

 

A clatter. She’d found the damaged poker.

 

I turned to her. “I’m afraid that visitor–”

 

The tiny woman snapped the poker true to form, with nary a twist. “Hmph! Next time call me instead of mucking with it yourselves!”

 

We gaped as she went downstairs.

 

I cleared my throat. “We’d… best pay our rent on time, Holmes.”


	7. The Yellow Face: Sham Amber

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Or maybe not.

“It’s your friend Challenger.” Holmes gave me the telephone.

 

“Professor? Happy birthday!”

 

He was delighted and agitated. Yes, he’d received the amber-stemmed pipe I’d sent, the one with the fossilised mosquito.

 

“…Wait, what ‘experiment’?”

 

A screeching roar bellowed down Baker Street, accompanied by a thundering stomp of giant feet. Screams outside.

 

I covered my face. “Tyrannosaurus or Brontosaurus? …You _idiot_.”


	8. The Gloria Scott: A Matter of Size

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Holmes knows the truth of the old adage: “Behind every great fortune…”

Watson perused the cryptic note. “Another outwardly-respectable man whose fortune sprang from his criminal past. Disgraceful.”

 

Holmes snorted. “Unsurprising. Noble families and grand English country homes – respected one and all – were built from the profits of slave labour in the Caribbean sugar trade.”

 

After a stunned silence, Watson laughed sadly. “I take your point, Holmes. Which is the greater crime?”


	9. The Musgrave Ritual: A Rocky Start

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Time is fleeting.

“We couldn’t understand the directions correctly at first.” Holmes pondered the twine that had measured the vanished elm. “Reginald and I began with a jump to the left, then a step to the right. Hands on hips, knees in. A movement of the pelvis…”

Watson frowned as if trying to recall something. “The result?”

“It only seemed to warp time.”


	10. The Reigate Squires: Discernment

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It’s not just knowing how to write, but what to write.

Holmes frowned at my manuscript. “You immortalise a petty family squabble over land but not the broad-reaching villainy of Baron Maupertuis?”

I hid my smile at his pique over Paget’s illustration of his feigned faint. “That case showed your gifts at their best, truly. But _Strand_ readers would yawn over the details of Dutch stock market fraud. A murder, however…”


	11. The Valley of Fear, Pt 1, Ch. 1-3: Cipher

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Some people need to shave with Occam’s Razor a little more often.

“So if we take the clue in Porlock’s second letter…”

I let him ramble as I picked up the telephone. 

“…Ha! Now it becomes clearer, Watson! Now to discover which volume Porlock referenced…”

“Thank you.” I hung up. “Police are coming, Holmes. Murder at Birlstone.” At his stunned look, I indicated the first series of digits. “It’s a phone number.”


	12. The Valley of Fear, Pt 1, Ch. 4-7: Dumb-bells

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Turns out there was more than one of them on the scene after all.

One single dumb-bell. 

Holmes turned to MacDonald. “I have it! We’re looking for a man with an immensely powerful right arm, and a scrawny, nearly invisible, left arm!” Holmes demonstrated with his own arms – looking rather like a fiddler-crab attempting to portray Richard the Third. 

I cleared my throat. “Or one was used to sink the evidence.”

Silence. “Or that.”


	13. The Valley of Fear, Pt 2, Ch. 1-4: Accentuating the Positive

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What better way to establish a 1915 tale set in America than a melting-pot of dialects?

“Golly, that fellow’s playing me for a sucker!”

“Zo, you vant to court mein Ettie?”

“Sure and begorrah, your father’s after giving me notice.”

“ _Kuso! Wakarimasen_!”

The boarding-house went still. Everyone stared at the last speaker, a dark-haired man in black cotton robes holding chopsticks over his stew-plate.

Shafter addressed the _issei_. “I tink maybe you in der vrong story.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The Japanese spoken by the outsider is "Crap! I don't understand!"


	14. The Valley of Fear, Pt 2, Ch. 5-7: Lost

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dear me, Mr. Moriarty, dear me!

He waded ashore on St. Helena and collapsed. 

He hadn’t survived this long without recognizing organized crime in that “accidental” push – and he’d taken the bastard with him into the sea. 

Leaving poor Ivy behind to mourn was the worst part. But better that than she be caught up in this murderous mess. 

Jack Witherspoon would start a new life.


	15. The Resident Patient: Book Club

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Whenever two or more of ye are gathered, there even is a medical conference.

“Nervous lesions…” I rustled through my library. “Ah, here it is!” I came back with several other monographs as well. “I’ve written a few myself.”

Dr. Trevelyan beamed.

But Holmes was vexed. “Watson, Dr. Trevelyan brought us a mystery–”

Ignoring Holmes, I gave one to my fellow medico. “A little something I wrote about possible treatments for cocaine addiction.”


	16. The Greek Interpreter: Or Nearly All

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It’s not just Greek to Mr. Melas.

“Chinese?” I asked. 

” _Wǒ zhǐ néng shuō yīdiǎn zhōngguó_.” Mr. Melas smiled. “I find that both this tongue, and Japanese, are crucial languages to master these days.”

“Really, Watson,” Holmes chided. 

So I spoke in in a language that made Holmes blink and turn his head. 

Mr. Melas smiled and replied in the same language, “I speak some Pashto, too.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Mr. Melas says “I speak a little Chinese.”


	17. The Copper Beeches: Little Big Head

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> How to deal with the child?

And what of the horrendous child, a clue to his toxic family? Too young to be quietly shipped off to South America or Africa or some other Empire holding. Too inhumane to lose him at sea. 

Perhaps young Master Rucastle will become the poshest member of the Baker Street Irregulars, once the lads train the cruelty out of his behavior.


	18. The Sign of Four, Ch. 1-4: Covering Tracks

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Watson attempts to grow a beard.

My lover snorted as he read the manuscript. “’Well-gloved’? ‘Untrimmed and unbraided’? ‘A suspicion of white feather’?”

“Did I not describe Miss Morstan sufficiently?” I exhaled. “Holmes, I explained why my creating a fictional wife will protect both–”

Holmes let out a bark of laughter. “My dear, you spent your introduction describing her _clothes_! What non-inverted man does that?”


	19. The Sign of Four, Ch. 5-8: Creosote

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A master detective is on the scent.

The humans wanted me to find the smell. So I hunted down the smell. A sharp, good smell, delightful when combined with all the other dock smells (salt, dead fish, unwashed humans, vomit, beer, canvas, seasoned wood). 

My bosses were very pleased with my work – both made that human barking happy-noise when I proudly led them up to the barrel.


	20. The Sign of Four, Ch. 9 - 12: Knight-Errant

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> She’s the daughter of a soldier and will wed another. She understands.

“Holmes won’t congratulate us, darling.” 

Mary laughed. “The poor man fears losing his comrade to wedlock. He is wrong.” My expression redoubled her mirth. “John, a woman who marries a knight-errant knows that his king comes first.”

I stared. “Do you mean that?”

“I expressly forbid you to desert Mr. Holmes!”

I bowed my head, heart pounding. “Yes, Mrs. Watson.”


	21. The Noble Bachelor: Deja Vu

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A beloved spouse returns from the dead.

I wrote everything down faithfully, and hid my smile at the California woman’s melodramatic words: _I fainted dead away… …sick for months… …thought it was his ghost at first…_

…And remembered every word with crystal clarity even as I came to in my office, with the taste of brandy on my lips and a dead man’s eyes gazing at me.


	22. The Naval Treaty: A Very Weary Vigil

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Waiting is always the hardest part.

I have deduced where my prey will show; now I need only wait out the long night for the game to come to the watering-hole. Utter stillness, ennui and tension minute by minute, for hours.

But most of all I long for Watson's company. This, though hazardous, would have been a kinder vigil than the one that produced a serpent.


	23. The Hound of the Baskervilles, Ch. 1-4: Horror Story

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This cursed beast has haunted generations of their family.

“They say this terrible human walks among us – and wherever he goes, dogs die.”

The other canines in the alley shuddered.

But, “G’wan, that’s jes’ a bleedin’ cat-tail,” one rag-earred bulldog sneered.

Roy glared at him. “Old Skip, from 221b? Poisoned. Dash, the Spaniel? Fed to a bigger dog he then shot. Carlo, at Copper Beeches? _The Dog-Killer is real_.”


	24. The Hound of the Baskervilles, Ch. 5-8: Change of Plans

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He’d done the sums and didn’t like how it added up.

The train was not yet out of sight when everything fell into place. 

Young, handsome Sir Henry, a fearless man of action, intriguing like so many Americans; Watson, drawn to a likeminded fellow like a moth to a flame. Danger can turn camaraderie into something more carnal... 

The blackmailer case can go hang. I cannot leave Watson alone with him.


	25. The Hound of the Baskervilles, Ch. 9-12: Reprieve

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There is only one sin for which Sherlock Holmes would never forgive himself. Has he committed it tonight?

_Failure_ , Father’s voice hammers into my brain as I walk back to the corpse. _Slow, stupid, clumsy. Look what you’ve done._

Sir Henry had deserved better from me. I’d lapsed in my duty, just long enough for –

A beard.

I’m so overcome with relief that I cry it aloud, startling my dear Watson, even before I bend over poor Selden.


	26. The Hound of the Baskervilles, Ch. 13-15: Chickens Something Something Roost

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Whoops.

Sherlock Holmes held up an official-looking envelope. “From Mr. Frankland of Lafter Hall!”

Ah. Perhaps angry about Holmes’ questioning of his daughter – 

My friend’s face froze as he read the letter. 

“Holmes?” 

He looked up at me, stricken. “Sir Henry is suing us for gross neglect and client endangerment.”

I looked at him. “’Us’? You’re on your own, old man.”


	27. The Stockbroker’s Clerk: New Cribs for Old

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In the immortal words of comedian Ron White, “You can’t fix stupid.”

Well, I’d been made a soft Johnny over this Pinner lark. And the Mawson company let me go – didn’t want folks to see my name and think of that murderous robbery attempt. No justice.

But I’ve a new crib all lined up. Who’d a thought there was a special Blond-Headed League to hire towheaded blokes like myself at good wages?


	28. A Scandal in Bohemia: Her Notice

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There were other women in this story besides _the_ woman.

“Oh, miss, must I?” Tears in the slavey’s eyes. 

“Very much so, Mary Jane.” Mrs. Watson smiled at the girl. “I’ll give you notice, of course, but you’ll go with an excellent reference straight to my friend Mrs. Pendleton. Now scrape.”

She’d see what kind of mud those slits picked up, and know when John abandoned her for Mr. Holmes.


	29. The Engineer’s Thumb: The Lighthouse Keepers

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Some people just radiate “sanctuary” for those in need.

Something about those two – the doctor, his wife. It’s not as simple as being good people, which they are. 

Folk just naturally head to them when they’re in distress, medical or otherwise; the women flock to Mary, the men go to Watson. 

Their own tokens of sorrow and pain – his limp, her pearls – make their compassion shine all the brighter.


	30. The Crooked Man: Comrades in Arms

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A sequel of sorts to [last year’s 60-word entry](http://archiveofourown.org/works/3913522/chapters/9873647) on this story.

“You look a sight better, Corporal Wood.”

The gnarled solder smiled, creasing his face even more. “My pension’s made all the difference, Doctor. I can’t begin to repay you for that letter you wrote to the Army Board.”

Watson waved away the man’s words. “Think of it as a salute from another wounded sub-Continental soldier. We understand each other, _daihik_.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> " _Daihik_ " is Hindi for “Corporal.”


	31. The Boscombe Valley Mystery: Grace

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There’s all sorts of poor, helpless worms.

Watson avoided a fatal bullet in Afghanistan. He came to London, and in meeting him I avoided one myself.

For I have seen solitary addicts dying in slums, and aristocrats’ overdoses disguised as illness by relatives to hide empty lives and lonely deaths.

How often have I paraphrased Baxter:

_There, but for the grace of John Watson, goes Sherlock Holmes._


	32. The Five Orange Pips: Closure

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Truth, and nothing but the truth, is overrated.

“The truth, Watson.” 

I looked at Holmes, slumped before the fire. Even I could have deduced from my own weary posture which case I recorded. 

Holmes glared into the flames. “Do not write me rescuing Openshaw. I failed him.”

Heart aching, I touched pen to paper again. 

And instead wrote the villains into a deadly storm.

Not saved, but avenged.


	33. The Man With the Twisted Lip: Search and Rescue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Those lost at sea find relief in many ways.

My Mary is a lighthouse – she remains in one place, and those in trouble seeking a haven come to her. 

Mrs. St. Claire is not a lighthouse but a rescue boat – she fearlessly heads out to search for who is missing to bring him home. 

From lighthouse to boat I bring notice to Holmes. I am, indeed, his stormy petrel.


	34. A Case of Identity: You Just Might Get It

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Not a smart thing to say out loud this close to Edwardian London.

One moment Holmes discussed the two of us flying out the window hand in hand, and the next we were actually doing it. 

I squawked in fear and clung to my friend, who looked peeved rather than terrified. 

“My apologies, Watson. Fairies are dreadfully literal.” He gestured at the glowing will-o’-the-wisp dashing back to an equally airborne lad in green.


	35. The Red-Headed League: The Hardest Part

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tom Petty was right

My military experience prepared me for both ends of my work with Sherlock Holmes. 

As a man of action I am instantly ready to give chase, collar a suspect, or strike a blow. 

But a soldier’s life is also waiting – endless waiting, on guard and alert. 

Once again, in a bank vault, I endure the surest test of my training.


	36. The Blue Carbuncle: Peterson the Commissionaire

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A £1000 reward is a stunning windfall for a regular bloke – emphasis on “stunning.”

Oh it were lovely at first. Took the missus for a proper holiday, even bought some mad hat she’d had her eye on. 

But folks – and long-lost relatives – flocked round with their hands out, got ugly when I wouldn’t just cough up.

Finally gave most of it to the Widows and Orphans Fund and went back to me old job.


	37. The Dying Detective: Just Desserts

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Perhaps some people will think twice about cruelly duping their best friends and long-suffering landladies. A sequel to [this story from last round’s DYIN prompt](http://archiveofourown.org/works/3913522/chapters/13231285).

“The oysters and champagne were sublime – wouldn’t you say, Mrs. Hudson?”

“Oh yes, Doctor. Very thoughtful to take me to Simpson’s with you!”

“And their beef – his broth isn’t too hot, is it?”

“Just tepid, Doctor, per your orders. Unsalted.”

“Can’t risk your health after three days of fast, Holmes. …Their beef roast was superb, of course.”

“…I hate you.”


	38. The Final Problem: Failsafe

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Holmes knew the one thing to write to keep Watson from following him. 
> 
> **Warning:** Suicide ideation. Romantic postulation.

_Pray give my greetings to Mrs. Watson_

 

Two words, a blow across my face that jolted me from my insanity. I gripped the boulder, shaking, everything in me longing to throw myself into the abyss after my lover, the man I’d failed to protect.

 

Mrs. Watson.

 

Another depended on me. I had to survive. I had to return to London.


	39. The Empty House: Journeys End

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Someday the true story can be told. But it is not this day.
> 
>  **Warning:** Romantic postulation.

_I stared at him in utter amazement. Then I seized his collar and bent him across the desk, tearing his trousers away so violently that buttons flew everywhere. “Feel how I have missed you,” I hissed…_

 

I groaned and scratched the line out. I shifted my still-tender bottom on the chair. Not the truth, not in the _Strand_.

 

_I fainted._


	40. The Norwood Builder: Moral Support

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Possibly Watson's most important role in the firm.

When my dear detective is in this state no words and no touch will ease him. My heart was heavy for him as much as I felt sympathy for the doomed young Mr. MacFarlane.

I wish I could do more than stand by him, silent, as he rails or sulks or expounds or deduces. But he says it is enough.


	41. The Dancing Men: Appropriation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> More than one way to dance around the censors.

“At my _club_?” I shook the paper festooned with dancing figures at Holmes.

A smirk. “Those dullards thought it a joke, correct?”

“A joke that caused my flushed face and a sudden need to examine the back of a chair until I’d quelled my reaction!”

“Yet you returned with all haste.”

“Bastard,” I growled, and tipped him on his back.


	42. The Six Napoleons: Super

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is a work of fiction and does not intend to infringe on copyrights held either by Nintendo or the Doyle estate.

“…But the vendettas amongst bricklayers are as nothing compared to the plumbers.”

Two voices shouting in Italian made us all look outside the workshop. Two mustachioed men, one in green and one in red, chased each other through pipes and over brick walls, eating something.

The German foreman shook his head. “ _Mein Gott._ Those mushrooms were for my schnitzel tonight.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Translation: The foreman says “My God.”


	43. The Second Stain: Do I Hear Three?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dirty, _dirty_ carpet.

There was indeed a second stain bedecking the drugget – which, with the stain on the woodwork, made three. 

For I was so overcome with passion by my dear friend’s amazing deductions that I leapt on him whilst he lay magnificently sprawled across the ruined carpet mid-search, and our eagerness quite made up for our haste before Lestrade could come back.


	44. The Golden Pince-Nez: Coda

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> One silver lining.

After delivering the packet to the Russian Embassy, Holmes and I gave the sad case no more thought. 

But one day in mid-April Mrs. Hudson announced a visitor – a gaunt man in his forties wearing an ill-fitting suit, who fell to his knees to kiss Holmes’ hand. 

“Mr. Alexis Petrikov, I only carried out Anna’s wishes.” But Holmes blinked hard.


	45. The Solitary Cyclist: The Solitary Scientist

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sweet, that is.

“Mr. Holmes, I read Dr. Watson's account. I had no idea you’d confronted that odious Mr. Woodley in the tavern.”

“Mrs. Morton, please think nothing of it. One backhand, a scratch –”

“I don’t wish to commiserate. I wish to hire you.”

Holmes blinked at the young newlywed. 

Her eyes were still haunted. “Mr. Holmes. Please teach me to box.”


	46. Black Peter: Pig-out

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He probably paid good money for the thing, after all.

“More spareribs?”

 

“Holmes, I’m satiated.”

 

“Then some loin slices? Trotters?”

 

“No. More. _Please_.”

 

“Watson, I own a 400-pound pig that requires immediate consumption.”

 

“Holmes! The solution is obvious!”

 

##

 

“Some chops, Wiggins?”

 

“Jest put ‘em next to the brawn and bacon, Mr. Holmes!”

 

“Did you lads all get ham packages to take home?”

 

Twenty Irregulars chorused affirmative through full, grinning mouths.


	47. Charles Augustus Milverton: Misery

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It’s “miser” with a “y.”

I used to wish I was rich. What a happy life – no scraping for the grocer’s note, no tossing all night worriting about the waterman and bill collector’s knock.

 

But he’s rich – and he’s the meanest, coldest feller ever I worked for. What makes _him_ smile sends chills down a natural man’s spine.

 

Now I just wish for _enough_ money.


	48. The Three Students: Deja Vu

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gilchrist wasn’t even the cleverest cheat.

Alas, all three students were guilty. 

Gilchrist admitted to studying the Thucydides paper, and Daulat Ras to paying Bannister to copy the exam. 

But Miles McLaren’s secret weapon lay under his bed – a disheveled and startlingly familiar person.

“Mr. Melas!” Holmes exclaimed. 

The Greek interpreter shrugged. “This pays better, Mr. Holmes – and is far less dangerous than my last assignment!”


	49. The Bruce-Partington Plans: Welcome, Sulphur Dioxide

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Maybe it wasn’t murder after all. (Title comes from a line in the song “Air” from the musical _Hair_.)

I straightened up. “Holmes. He went for a walk.”

Disappointment was written across my friend’s face – a rather comical denouement to what he had expected to be a tale of murder, intrigue and sedition. 

I bent over West’s corpse on the autopsy table. “Look at the state of his lungs. That was deadly weather to look at, let alone breathe.”


	50. The Abbey Grange: Till Death Us Do Part

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The division seems rather unfair.

“Sir Eustace lived in the legal bonds of matrimony. And he made their lives miserable.” I clenched my bare left fist.

 

Holmes’ equally un-beringed left hand covered mine. “While some pairs would give anything for the right proudly to display their unified state.”

 

I grinned to lighten our mood. “True. I only feel like hitting you with a poker _occasionally_.”


	51. The Missing Three-Quarter: Scab

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Some blokes need to be reminded to keep to their own patch.

“You wished to see me?” Pompey wagged his tail, eager. 

“Yeh.” The lurcher-spaniel stubbed out his cigar-end. “There’s only one nose as works for Mr. Holmes in this empire, sunshine, and yer lookin’ at ‘im. ”

The beagle-foxhound drooped. “But my orders!”

“Next time act like ye got rabies if you got to. But you don’t work for Holmes again.”


	52. The Devil’s Foot: What He Saw

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What visions could drive some men into permanent insanity?

The disgust on Watson's face showed what he thought of my recklessness. Without a word he rose and walked out of the cottage. 

I couldn’t speak. I’d driven him away forever this time. I’d never see him again –

I was seized, dragged. 

And as the horror lifted from my mind I saw him gasping, lying beside me in the grass.


	53. The Sussex Vampire: Suss Sex

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lestrade really cannot see the evidence in front of his own nose.

“Crikey, Mr. Holmes, you did take on someone who thought he was a vampire!” Lestrade gestured with his cigar-end. “Those are nasty bite-marks on your neck.”

 

“It was a prolonged altercation, yes.” Watson took a sip of brandy, his cheeks red from the fire.

 

Holmes beamed. “Watson was an invaluable aid in that struggle. I nearly expired in his arms.”


	54. The Red Circle: Hunting-Ground

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> And some hunters completely miss the target.

She’d burgled Prince’s Skating Club easily; her dramatic black feather-boa ensured that any witnesses would remember that detail, not her face. 

On the Brixton bus she passed the swag to her associate and then “fainted” dramatically, ensuring all the attention whilst he left unnoticed. 

“And Mam wanted me to be a clerk!” Jimmy laughed as they split the loot afterward.


	55. The Problem of Thor Bridge: Go Ask Alice

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> One lost ship at sea is a tragedy; two is a coincidence; three is a pact with Poseidon.

“Good God! The _Alicia_!” I looked up from the paper.

 

My friend seemed focused on the pipette of liquid he dripped into a Petri dish. But his smile was savage.

 

“The captain, a former slaverunner. Crew, some of Moriarty’s worst gang-members never caught. Every passenger…”

 

I realised that a dozen unsolved murders and ravishments had just been put to rest.


	56. The Adventure of Shoscombe Old Place: Disturbed

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I clearly seem to have my mind on [a particular genre](https://archiveofourown.org/works/10576086) these days.

“Sir Robert.” Holmes stood looking out, white-faced. “Perhaps you should not have interred your sister in that particular sarcophagus.”

 

“How _dare_ you disturb her rest!”

 

I intercepted Norbertson at the doorway – and all three of us witnessed a spindly wraith rising from John Mason’s corpse, blood staining her mouth and shroud. “Oh, brother, dear!” it trilled.

 

Holmes and I fled.


	57. The Adventure of the Retired Colourman: Poetry

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Amberley may not be the only one agitated about a possibly unfaithful spouse.

“There was something about that detective Barker, Holmes. Tall, dark, with the rugged good looks of an old military man. I must confess that he brought back fond memories of my time in the barracks–”

 

Holmes’ pipe snapped from his clenched teeth.

 

I hid my grin. Send me on a hot unpleasant wild goose chase with a client, would he?


	58. The Adventure of the Priory School: Entrancing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There’s only so many uninvited and unannounced visitors a landlady can take.

When the cab-driver broke the window I called it an accident.

When the squire strode up the stairs and bent my good poker I took it for mere coincidence.

Stampeding brats, frightened fugitives, hired louts have changed my mind.

When the professor fainted on the bearskin I had my own two hired louts drag him away over Mr. Holmes’ protestations.


	59. The Adventure of Wisteria Lodge: Courtship Displays

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Commiseration in progress.

Baynes sighed. “Did my level best. Deduced all I could in front of the fellow. Showed him how brilliant I was. All for naught.”

Hopkins refilled Baynes’ glass. "I’ve had the same luck with the other. I hung on his every word like a puppy, emulated his methods, praised him to the skies. Nothing.” 

Shrug. “They’re each other’s alone, then.”


	60. The Disappearance of Lady Frances Carfax: Living, Dead

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Injected ether seems to have some unusual side effects.

“I cannot congratulate you on your efforts, Watson!” Holmes had to shout over the thumping at our boarded-up door. "It would have been kinder and safer to let the poor woman die naturally!”

A skeletal hand broke through the door, still clad in a lovely chiffon sleeve. “Oh Mr. Holmes, just a taste of your magnificent brain!” Lady Frances begged.


	61. The Three Garridebs: Poetic License

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It’s unwise to anger a gifted fiction writer.

A tea-spoon clattered on the saucer. Watson grinned behind his newspaper.

 

A rustle as Holmes lowered the _Strand_. “Watson.” Disbelief. “I only queried if you were hurt, and at your negation I cuffed Evans.”

 

“So you didn’t blurt out your love like a panicked damsel?” Watson's voice sharpened. “Then use me better next time, Holmes, or I rewrite history again.”


	62. The Illustrious Client: Fool Me Twice

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Aesop had something to say about wolves and those who cry them.

“Nice try, Holmes!” Watson stomped upstairs at full volume. “Even got the papers in on it – ‘murderous attack,’ my foot!” He glared at the bandaged man. “Rouge and eye-shadow for blood and bruises? That’ll fool me again, eh?”

 

A croak. “You need to study–“

 

“I need _dinner_. Remove that disguise and you can join me.” Watson pivoted and left.


	63. The Mazarin Stone: A Pretty Little Thing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Not just the wax bust, apparently.

“By your leave, madame…” The count stuttered. He stared at the dame, her parasol forgotten.

 

Sylvius _knew_ women. Before him was strength and courage, a defiance in grey eyes that outshone her homely face. Such women, young middling or old, were tigers in the _boudoir_.

 

“Might I see you later?” he said silkenly.

 

Startlement. Panic. Then a smile. “Why, yes.”


	64. The Veiled Lodger: Starting Over

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mrs. Ronder wasn’t the only participant of that tragedy who needed to move to a new town.

He was the biggest damn dog I ever seen. Said ‘is people was dead and could he stay with our pack.

 

Boss-dog challenged him, a course – the big bloke just _patted_ ‘im and bowled ‘im over.

 

No one messes with us no more – humans run when they see King, leaving butcher shop doors open and all.

 

A funny bark too.


	65. The Three Gables: X Marks the Slot

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “…nowadays they do it in the Post-Office bank.”

“Name?”

 

The plain middle-aged woman, dressed like the most priggish of school matrons, adjusted her spectacles. “Helena. Helena Flint. Grandpappa would call me Nellie. Most uncouth.”

 

The pop-eyed teller lugged over the safe-deposit box, dropped with a loud thump on the counter.

 

Doubloons, jewelry, coral, gold earrings, ruby-eyed skull medallions.

 

Helena smiled. “Grandpappa knew how to bury HIS treasure correctly.”


	66. The Blanched Soldier: It’s All in How You Say It

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> That’s one way to serve a red herring.

“Cleverly written, Holmes.”

 

“And the literal truth. Mrs. Amelia Peabody is the wife of Professor Emerson; both are experts on all things Egyptian.”

 

Watson nuzzled his clandestine spouse. “So when I left you for 3 days to attend Mrs. Peabody’s lecture in London and missed out on Mr. Dodd’s visit…”

 

Holmes laughed. “You had indeed deserted me for a wife.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Crossover with Elizabeth Peters’ Amelia Peabody mysteries.


	67. The Adventure of the Priory School: Entrancing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There’s only so many uninvited and unannounced visitors a landlady can take.

When the cab-driver broke the window I called it an accident.

 

When the squire strode up the stairs and bent my good poker I took it for mere coincidence.

 

Stampeding brats, frightened fugitives, hired louts have changed my mind.

 

When the professor fainted on the bearskin I had my own two hired louts drag him away over Mr. Holmes’ protestations.


	68. The Creeping Man: Wrong Gland

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Professor really needs to label his stuff better.

At first Watson seemed fine after the Professor jabbed him.

 

But later, in an alley fight, he took on three thugs nearly twice his size – and won.

 

When they encountered another deadly serpent, Watson simply grabbed it in his bare hands and bit its head off. Then ate it.

 

…Presbury examined the unlabeled phial. “Dammit, this is Honey Badger extract!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is, of course, a reference to [one of the greatest YouTube videos](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4r7wHMg5Yjg) ever made.


	69. The Lion’s Mane: Patsy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Oh, sure – pin this on the _jellyfish._

For millennia I’ve lived below, gathering my strength to once again rise from the depths and cow these puny surface creatures. This quiet cove is perfect for a base of operations.

 

I killed one or two of them, sent one wounded away. The fools blame that infantile blob of tentacles.

 

Soon. Soon we Old Ones will rule this land again.

 


	70. His Last Bow: Day 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A defiled well needs cleaning-up.

Watson pinched his eyes together, took a deep breath, and straightened up. “Again.”

 

Holmes drew his own strengthening draught of air. He opened his mouth.

 

“Say, it’s whizzing down cats and dogs in that country south of France, but blamed if it ain’t sticking to the prairies!”

 

Watson made a tiny whimper.

 

“By George,” Martha said, “he hasn’t got it.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sequel to my last LAST offering [here](http://sherlock60.livejournal.com/559249.html).


End file.
